The three positions
- First position: fully associated in your own perspective — what you see, feel and want. Necessary for conviction; distorting when permanent
- Second position: associated in the other person's reality — their constraints, pressures, what the situation looks like from their chair. The basis of real empathy and real negotiation
- Third position: dissociated observer — you and them in the room, from the ceiling corner. Where patterns become visible and emotions cool
What it is for
Conflict (most fights are two first positions shouting), negotiation (you cannot influence a position you cannot inhabit), feedback and management, coaching (moving a client who is stuck in one chair), and self-review of your own recorded work — third position on yourself is the fastest skill accelerant in the field.
How it is practised
Three physical chairs, a real situation, and movement between them with full association at each. The classic error is visiting second position as an intellectual exercise — thinking about them rather than as them. Done with a partner observing your physiology shift, the difference is unmistakable. In Spirit of NLP this drill is extended with recorded review.